I have been entirely NOT MYSELF these few months.
As far as I am concerned, I am not serious enough and that's why I decided to go back to Korea
right before my exam.... why? TO KEEP IT REAL.
My mind begs for calmness but my heart screams of anxiety.
8 hours after I arrive, I will be taking my Chinese Exam. =(
This reminds me of our school.
...
...
...
... *sobs* You have no idea how i feel about the school!
Anyways, moving on!
I felt FULL of remorse and only things that kept me alive until now was:
1. my family who unexpectedly supported me when I was having a hard time
(I love you mom, dad, sis and bro<-he doesn't seem to realize that I am in such a big trouble) 2. My future husband, Brian. (Don't get me wrong. I am a normal lady who is NOT ALWAYS, well MOST OF THE TIME satisfied with this gentleman but... I even like his worsts.) 3. My baby Puss (new family member. She is a 7-week-old kitten. Absolutely adorable.)
I am feeling PLETHORA of love today. Can't tell you what happened blog~~(im sorry. this is a private thing you know.) :) I am fina~~~~~~lly 22% happy. Increase of 23% from -1%
ON TOP OF THAT!!!!!!!
I have another good news beside the fact that I am temporary happy right now.
Drum roll please...!!
Yes!
YES!
I FINALLY GOT IN TOUCH WITH THE LANDLORD!!! *flowers all over me*
I was so anxious about the contract and the refridgerator problem and it is ALL SORTED OUT.
I AM SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO
EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMELY
HAPPY!
Here is the best news! Actually kinda sad news.....
I finally FEEL like this is HOME! *weeps*
(how nice to feel this way when I am going to leave in two months time)
I was searching for seaweed(its called κΉ€ in Korea) during lunch... and... I suddenly... felt like this was my home! I am happy that I don't feel homeless but I do not want to imagine me getting a depression again for leaving this precious room of mine that has been arranged to maximize the concentration of studies after my exam.
Okay. I am going to eat sushi now! BYEBYE!!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
I Slapped Him
It wasn't a mistake.
It was not entirely his fault.
It was because I had nowhere to vent my anger on.
I am "sick", I know.
I will never forget that moment.
I am sorry. I am really sorry. And I love you very much.
It was not entirely his fault.
It was because I had nowhere to vent my anger on.
I am "sick", I know.
I will never forget that moment.
I am sorry. I am really sorry. And I love you very much.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Uncle belly
I realized something today.
My boyfriend looks like a cartoon character when he is holding heavy grocery bags in each hand. The way he walks and his uncle-belly, even his hair color reminds me of some kind of a cartoon character, maybe a dinosaur. =)
+
I finally got to eat kaya toast today!
+
We are engaged~~ mentally only though.
Maybe few years down the road, we really might be having an engagement party.
YAY =) And I know. I am kind of ashamed of thinking this kind of thing because I am not even 20 years old. I am 19 for goodness sake. I gotta wait maybe 6 more years for real engagement! How sad is that...
How am I suppose to wait 6 more years when "we" are not even 2 years old!
Most surprising part is that we talked about engagement last year December, when we were not even 1 year old. So I was talking about marriage the day before yesterday. I know it is really funny because some people will just look at us as a immature couple, but we will grow together to mature lady and man. My baby was even shocked when I mentioned of marriage. Yes. He was hesitating and I did NOT propose. I was just asking him to propose to me in the future. I repeat: I DID NOT PROPOSE. I will have my wedding when I am around 27 years old. 7 years down the road. SOO far away. I would just like to have it now =( Hm WE WILL SEE. Maybe miracle DOES happen? =P I await for my miracle!
My boyfriend looks like a cartoon character when he is holding heavy grocery bags in each hand. The way he walks and his uncle-belly, even his hair color reminds me of some kind of a cartoon character, maybe a dinosaur. =)
+
I finally got to eat kaya toast today!
+
We are engaged~~ mentally only though.
Maybe few years down the road, we really might be having an engagement party.
YAY =) And I know. I am kind of ashamed of thinking this kind of thing because I am not even 20 years old. I am 19 for goodness sake. I gotta wait maybe 6 more years for real engagement! How sad is that...
How am I suppose to wait 6 more years when "we" are not even 2 years old!
Most surprising part is that we talked about engagement last year December, when we were not even 1 year old. So I was talking about marriage the day before yesterday. I know it is really funny because some people will just look at us as a immature couple, but we will grow together to mature lady and man. My baby was even shocked when I mentioned of marriage. Yes. He was hesitating and I did NOT propose. I was just asking him to propose to me in the future. I repeat: I DID NOT PROPOSE. I will have my wedding when I am around 27 years old. 7 years down the road. SOO far away. I would just like to have it now =( Hm WE WILL SEE. Maybe miracle DOES happen? =P I await for my miracle!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Lovely Eyes
He had lovely eyes. I have been out with him for more than 500 days now, but I seem to be falling for him at least once in a month. When people talk about love, they make it sound like a person falls for another suddenly at once, which is, in my case, entirely fallacious. First time I fell in love with him was last year, around June. The last time I fell in love with him was TODAY and I can sincerely tell you that I have loved him since last year but I fell in love AGAIN just now, few hours ago. Sometimes it seems like the relationship is becoming a tedious responsibility instead where boyfriend has to be there for this and that, but it is proved today that I do not have to worry about such things.I actually did feel that way. The whole thing seemed so boring and uninteresting without passion just few days ago. But the love is again recovered like a dirty muddy t-shirt thrown into a washing machine.
It was such a weird feeling. I looked at his double-lid eyes that was half closed. He had such a tired look on his face! He was forcing his eyelids to hang on there so that he doesn't fall asleep on the staircase. He was calling a cab and was checking the long, endless line of people waiting for a cab when all cab that were passing by had only red lights on their heads. I looked at his face and i thought he looked "gorgeous" for a second. Then I started to wonder why I was thinking that way. I was actually shocked that I was referring him as a GORGEOUS looking. He was manly enough, adorable but not "gorgeous"! Isn't the word, gorgeous, more for women than men? Was I suppose to think that way? Am I weird? After all, he is one year older than me and for me to think that he is adorable sounds somehow wrong. VERY wrong. Well are girlfriends who are younger than their boyfriends allow to think that way? I was thinking too much, yes, because I am a woman. Women never stop thinking.
So at that single moment, I fell in love with him again. I just wanted him to be there, next to me, all the time holding my hands. I swear to my Jesus, Alah, Buddha and all the GODS and GODESSES in the world that I love him with all my heart and soul. He is allll I want!
It was such a weird feeling. I looked at his double-lid eyes that was half closed. He had such a tired look on his face! He was forcing his eyelids to hang on there so that he doesn't fall asleep on the staircase. He was calling a cab and was checking the long, endless line of people waiting for a cab when all cab that were passing by had only red lights on their heads. I looked at his face and i thought he looked "gorgeous" for a second. Then I started to wonder why I was thinking that way. I was actually shocked that I was referring him as a GORGEOUS looking. He was manly enough, adorable but not "gorgeous"! Isn't the word, gorgeous, more for women than men? Was I suppose to think that way? Am I weird? After all, he is one year older than me and for me to think that he is adorable sounds somehow wrong. VERY wrong. Well are girlfriends who are younger than their boyfriends allow to think that way? I was thinking too much, yes, because I am a woman. Women never stop thinking.
So at that single moment, I fell in love with him again. I just wanted him to be there, next to me, all the time holding my hands. I swear to my Jesus, Alah, Buddha and all the GODS and GODESSES in the world that I love him with all my heart and soul. He is allll I want!
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